Life’s Not Fair

As small children (and still occasionally), my kids would whine “That’s not fair!” I might have responded to that statement more times than I have tied shoes in my life!

“That’s not fair!” is a natural response that our selfish nature clings to.  We want life to be fair.  We want the same number of cookies as our sibling.  We want the same grade in math as our friend that we studied with.  We want to stay up late like our big sister.  We want to lose weight as fast as a teenager.  

But do we really want life to be fair?!

I almost feel guilty for enjoying this statement so much!  This is a valuable lesson that needs to be understood early and completely to be able to enjoy life more fully.

When I hear, “That’s not fair!” I reply with “Life’s not fair.”  And then, for my children, I offer to do a better job to make life fair.  So, when their baby sibling takes a nap, they will need to lay down for a nap, too.  Because that’s fair.  And, since the baby can’t eat steak, we can’t eat steak… because that’s not fair.  This can go on forever!  Showing the discrepancy between wanting what’s fair and actually receiving what’s fair is eye opening.  

If life were fair, when one person gets sick, everyone would get sick.  If life were fair, when one person has an allergy to a specific food then no person can eat that specific food.  If life were fair, we would all be the same height so that we all can see the exact same things.  Life would be so boring if it were fair.  I guess my daughters and I would all be the same exact size and shape and we could share clothes more easily, but if we have to share, then we don’t all have the exact same clothes and obviously, that’s not fair!  This can get silly fast!

Personally, I am so thankful that life is not fair:  I can take a nap, even if no one else wants to take a nap.  I can eat Chinese food even though my husband doesn’t like it.  And, he can eat pizza, even though it makes me feel sick.  And these are just the trivial reasons!

I can take this thought and really run with it… I look at my life with the struggles and victories that I have been through.  Because of each experience, I have learned something about the world and about myself.  These experiences have made me who I am.  I would not want to trade that for a fair experience that mirrored everyone I know.  I am grateful that I bring unique qualities and characteristics to the table and look forward to drawing insight from other’s unique experiences.

“That’s not fair” is always accompanied by whining.  They are friends that walk hand in hand.  As much as the statement itself needs addressing, so does the tone at which it assaults our ears.  So, if life were fair, would we stop whining?  I don’t think so.  If we got a radical pay cut, because others are making minimum wage, would we whine?  I challenge each of us to hear what we say and how the words sound and carefully consider if we really want what it is we are asking for.  Our children are listening and taking their cues from us.  Whining clearly communicates that our selfish needs are not being met.  When I am in a poor-me-mindset, my dear friend will gently remind me that “It’s not about you!”  Ha!  That’s crazy to think.  Thankfully the Lord is designing his Kingdom and writing his story, it is all about him!  I am merely a cast member in the bigger story.  

I encourage you to teach your children to understand how life really works and that God is using our unique lives with purpose.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 

Lord, thank you for the life you have given me, all the “unfair” pieces of it!