Kids are Like Dogs

One single remark by a friend, changed my husband’s view of children forever. 

He was terrified to have kids for fear of the little monsters that we would then have to try to wrangle. We had only met small tyrants in the early years of our marriage and he wanted nothing to do with the creation of any more of them!  

We were on a road trip and stopped by to see a friend as we were passing through her town. Her children were delightful and obedient. My husband could not resist asking why?! Her simple response, “Kids are like dogs, you just have to train them”! That struck a chord in both of us!  

We began observing every kid we came across and the interactions that they had with their parents and began to recognize the compelling truth of her statement.  We also began noticing that kids respond differently to different caregivers, depending on the expectations that caregiver has for them!

Training happens, whether we intentionally do it or not! Those parents that throw out idle threats are training their children that it is not required to obey… most of the time. Those that draw a strict line are training their children to obey immediately and completely. Those that draw a line that they are not willing to enforce are training their children that obedience is not necessary and that your word does not mean what you say. Yikes!  

Some parents worry over being too strict, but I would encourage you to view most of parenting as simply creating an expectation for your children and then expecting them to meet that expectation. When a parent establishes a line for a child, the child wants to immediately test that line… Is it secure? Can I trust it? They will push against it. When there is a consequence for crossing it, that teaches a child that we love them enough to follow through. These boundaries help children feel safe. When a child pushes a line, then crosses it and then keeps going, they are looking to see when the security will show up again. (I will talk more about this over time. I have so many stories of walking this through, and now I also have my grown children as beautiful examples of what it can produce!) 

Finally, because of this wonderful lesson, we were ready to begin our own family!  And thank heaven we learned this!  Our first child was a challenge to the highest degree. She came out street smart with negotiating skills that many lawyers spend big money to learn. She understood how to push boundaries and left to her own devices she would have raised herself very differently!  I have many friends who say that they only have 2 (or 3) kids because their 2nd (or 3rd) child was such a handful… well, I am so grateful that we did not heed that advice or we would have only one child!

We had 3 more children after her spunky arrival and we are so thankful for the experience of training each of them. (Once in high school our first child thanked us for requiring her to be obedient and helpful, because she was horrified by how a friend of hers had grown into an extremely selfish young woman – and that friend had parents that did not require obedience! That was a seriously rewarding parenting moment!) As an adult, our first child is an absolute gem! I thank God regularly for giving my husband and I the strength to train our children well, and the words that led us there…

Kids are like dogs, you just have to train them!

PS. Training is not easy! Stay strong, pray a lot, and know that your children are only small for a short time!